Confessions of a Pet Sitter

First off, I want to say that I take my job VERY seriously - my top priority is to make sure that the animals in my care are: 1) safe 2) healthy and 3) happy. I would NEVER do anything while animals are in my care that would put any of them in danger. Additionally, I make sure that my client's houses are secure and usually leave them in better shape than they did.

Now that the disclaimer is out of the way, let us head straight to the Real World confessional (yes, I am 37 and yes I still watch it...don't judge) and spill the beans on a few things that I have done while on the job that I am not totally proud of. 

While pet sitting, I have:

• set off my client's house alarm so that four police officers showed up, lights blazing, and shamelessly flirted with them so they would go away and I wouldn't have to call my client...it worked! SCORE - I've still got it!
• rummaged through a client's cabinets to find much-needed sunscreen - I had the stupid idea of riding my bike to all of my visits on a hot, Florida August afternoon...needless to say, I looked like Magda from "There's Something About Mary" when I got home.
• gone about the better part of a day with dog poop smeared on my face wondering why everywhere I went smelled like shit before looking in the mirror and realizing it was me.
• drank ALL of the Cokes in a client's refrigerator while he was out of town and had to replace them before he returned home - we don't keep Coke in our house so it was a treat I couldn't resist.
• acted like I was the owner of the mansion that I was staying overnight in - I went full on character, twirling around as if wearing a ball gown and drinking champagne saying things (to myself, mind you) like, "Daaahling, I'm so elated that you were able to make it to our party...you look simply splendid!" Because this is how I imagine millionaires speak.
• fallen asleep at a client's house on the floor - dogs were inside, safe and sound and I had already fed and taken them out to potty. I just needed a little rest! This happened during the holidays when I typically run on about four hours of sleep.
• eaten food out of a client's refrigerator - you try walking dogs from 6AM until 5PM without putting time in your schedule for eating - once the cats started looking tasty, I figured it was time for me to find something real to eat. Incidentally, this is the SAME house I drank the Cokes from...Coke and cold pizza just go together. I assume my client didn't notice that one piece missing.
• had to high-tail it back to the client's house, dragging a poor dog in tow (most likely wondering why the hell his leisurely walk is now a full on sprint) because I had to poop...NOW!
• pooped at a client's house - I consider it a job perk that I have clean, for the most part, bathrooms for me to potty in :)
• pretended like I was picking up a load of crap that the dog I was walking just dropped and really didn't. This is breaking a HUGE Cardinal Rule of pet sitting...ALWAYS pick up the poop! 99% of the time, I have poop bags falling out of my pockets. On this particular day, I was wearing stretch pants (not to worry, fashion police, they were workout pants...no stirrups) and had no pockets. Unfortunately, I was walking a 130 lb Bull Mastiff so the poop probably didn't go unnoticed.
• not showered in five days - I SWEAR the dogs were more lovable towards me on the fifth day...Manny was a different story.
• not brushed my teeth prior to my morning visits - again, dogs seem to really enjoy my morning breath...I may have forgotten and gone the entire day before realizing I hadn't brushed...sorry, Lisa (Lisa is my dental hygienist sister)! 
• let out a not-so-quiet fart while walking a dog, realized that there was a man behind me and blamed it on the dog..."Annabelle! It is not nice to toot in public!" as the man jogs by.
• gone out bar hopping downtown until 4AM, slept in my clothes at my brother-in-law's house, gotten up at 6AM and did my morning visits smelling like bar...the dogs were displeased with this particular scent. Oddly, this was a completely different day than my nap on the floor.

Let's face it, pet sitting is a job where you are pretty much alone most of the time, 'cept for the animals that you are in charge of, and they can't talk. You don't really have to report physically to anyone so you are just on your own. You get the feeling that no one is watching and when hunger, sleepiness, upset bowels or punchiness takes over, this is what happens. In this day and age of web cams, I feel like a few of my clients may have witnessed some of this tom-foolery...perhaps I need to have a little more self control!

Off for the weekend to Mt. Dora with Manny and Jax. Stay tuned for our adventures there. Have a GREAT weekend, everyone!!